Do You Wanna Build a Snowman... a Tantrum?
Tommy, your three year old, is having a major melt-down in the Target parking lot and you are dragging him to the car. How did you get here? Just 30 minutes ago you strolled into the store contemplating a Starbucks coffee. You were deciding between a vanilla latte and a caramel macchiato. You had to shush Tommy, begging for popcorn, so you could hear the barista. You panicked when you lost sight of Tommy while paying the bill. You were pleading with Tommy to get in the cart. You dragged Tommy over with you to pick up your coffee reminding him he cannot have popcorn because he didn’t finish his cereal. He began to cry so you let him walk beside the cart. He cried louder and you knelt beside him whispering threats in his ear. Tommy threw himself on the floor. You put your coffee in the cart to wrestle Tommy off the floor. You picked him up, and he is squirming to get away so you head towards the doors. The sad thing is you left without your coffee!
I don’t know why a tantrum is defined as an outburst or an eruption because really it is more like "building a snowman". A snowman starts with a scoop of snow, packed into a ball and rolled and rolled to form the body. But for all that to happen the elements need to be there. You have to have just the right temperature and the snow has to be wet, because we all know dry snow packs poorly. Do you wanna build a snowman? Do you want to build a tantrum? NOOOOO! Then let’s go back and prevent the tantrum from ever starting.
Bring it Home
1st Tip: Climate Control
You are the parental thermostat in your child’s life. There is a big difference between a thermometer which simply measures the changing temperature, to a thermostat that tries to maintain or keep it roughly the same. You can establish and maintain a desired response from your child. What would you like them to say when you ask them to do something? I wanted our kids to simply say, “OK.” Or something close to that. You will need to teach and role-play the desired response and be quick to adjust when they do not. And I would like to issue an advisory; regulate this at home so you won’t have to do climate control in Target.
2nd Tip: Doppler Weather Radar
Parents need to be aware and able to forecast precipitation, calculate its motion and estimate snowfall. Are you observing the subtle and sudden changes when your child begins to resist? Watch for snow flurries in the form of pouting, whining, walking away or being ignored. You need to analyze this and see the potential to cause a severe weather pattern.
3rd Tip: Global Warming
Just as the sun interacts with the earth to warm the planet, you need to interact with your child to reduce the conditions that lead to tantrums. Before you give instructions for your child to eat their peas, share the toy or leave the playground. I want you to think, “How can I motivate them, the first time I speak?”
“I am going to put three peas on your plate. One, two, three. Let me see how many you can eat. Yeah!!!”
“How long do you think you should play with this toy before you let your brother have a turn?”
“What is one more thing you would like to do before we leave the playground?”
Engaging them to play, involving them in the solution and being reasonable and fair turns snow into slush.
4th Tip: Pressure System
As an orbiting parent be aware of your child’s low pressure system. Be slow to speak if your child is tired, cranky, frustrated, mad, etc. “Impossible demands put children in an unresolvable conflict.” That comment is from Dr. James Dobson. My thought is that you want to win every interaction.
Informing Tommy before you take him out of the car seat that he will be in the cart for a quick trip into Target and will have a snack after nap time would have helped. Having him repeat back the instructions is like thawing snow. “What did mommy say is going to happen in Target? When will you get your snack?”
Do you wanna build a snowman?
I hope you know now….
It doesn't have to be a tantrum.
